guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize