I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
