So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
