mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
