I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
