just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
