she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
