Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize