He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
