I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
