i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
