About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
