How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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