Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
