I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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