where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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