allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
