bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
