You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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