just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
