did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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