She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
