I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
