barbara walters just said penis...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
