Me too!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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