Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize