We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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