It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
