you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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