I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
