I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
