you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
