come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize