Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
