I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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