so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There r osticjed everywhere
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
