How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
