She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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