I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Im just a social blackout drinker.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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