we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
