and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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