i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
