please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
