There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize