Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
