Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
In America we eat man semen.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
