want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize