she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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