I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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