sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My nipple is on Facebook.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
