i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
there is glitter all over my balls
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
