Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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