Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
