I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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