I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
