that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
