Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
