I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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