I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
