Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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