I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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