oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
