I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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