i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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