she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
