I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize