dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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