I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
