I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
