i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
