Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
