Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
