Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
