you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
