I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
