omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
