I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
