I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
