After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
