I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
