I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
