You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
