my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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