the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
