no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
