I bet he comes in French.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
