the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
