New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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