i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
