He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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