I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
