I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize