So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize