Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
