I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
