If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
