I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There r osticjed everywhere
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
