Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
