put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
whose parrot is this?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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