weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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