i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
